Female 20
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Guys scare me!
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Tuesday, 25 November 2008 Fear/Phobia/Insecurity
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I grew up at school the local retard. No really, I did act crazy. And because of that, I suffered much rejection and social out casting. Two years after graduation- I grew up. And I do not act like I used to, I swear! I am not the idiot I used to be and now yes, I do associate with people like a normal person now! I am making a second chance for myself now and I am starting my way to moving towards a career.
But what am I left with? Memories that bring on regret that causes my chest to throb, so that I just lay there on the bed, as if to let it all bleed out but it never bleeds out? The recovery from growing up as some 'thing'? A fear and distrust of teenagers, guys/men? If a group of giggling teenage girls in the canteen cause me to get paranoid then guys are like, way more opposite.
Apart from my dad, whom I do not see as any more then just my dad and not a possible threat, and my brothers who do not count as I and other people along with me say that they are NOT normal, I don't hang out with guys. Well, I do talk to them and act normal around them, and if you were a guy and I was talking to you then you would never know that you intimidate me. Well, nowadays you might not know any way, because I’ve gotton pretty good at hiding it. But I can't let guys any closer, afraid they'll think I'm the freak from next Tuesday.
Guys have less of an emotion range then girls, right? At least that's what I've been told. I don't know how much compassion they have, whether they'll act like jerks, anything about them. One of my old classmates, a guy, sometimes works at this place I go to. He's a nice guy, I can tell, but when I first went there I could not stop shaking around him. I acted so nervous. In the end, he probably saw right through me to the fearful wreck that I am.
This is not the last I'll be posting on this. I may mention all this again in my next post, but with more detail. All this is an attempt to get over this, as it will hinder me. So whaddya say? Help me out? Answer me as to why your all not possible monsters or threats? Help me understand?
Yours truly,
Drift.
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